Category: Life

The Gift of Vunerability

Bob Marley Live Love
Reflection has this way of sneaking up on you at the most unexpected times, and sometimes reflection comes in the form of a gift from another’s thoughts that reveal a part of you you didn’t even know you needed to feel. Over time, I’ve learned that vulnerability is the cornerstone of a any relationship worth having, and finding someone who makes you feel that you can be vulnerable is something to be treasured. Bob Marley’s quote below is timeless, beautiful and nothing short of the truth. Enjoy
Peace, Love & Sunshine -Chelsea

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
― Bob Marley

Michelle Obama Responds to Kanye West’s Recent Comments

kimye

Okay, so in case you guys hadn’t heard Kanye West, is feeling some kinda way, again… 
Michelle Obama Responds to Kanye West’s Recent Comments
By Rembert Browne

Kanye West recently spoke to Ryan Seacrest about a number of things. Here’s one of the things he said.

There’s no way Kim Kardashian shouldn’t be on the cover of Vogue. She’s like the most intriguing woman right now. She’s got Barbara Walters calling her like everyday … and collectively we’re the most influential with clothing. No one is looking at what [President] Obama is wearing. Michelle Obama cannot Instagram a [bikini] pic like what my girl Instagrammed the other day … so it’s to say when we are there and [editor-in-chief of French Vogue] Carine Roitfeld supports my girl, that’s a breakthrough … there’s a wall of classism that we are breaking through.”

I can only imagine this is what Michelle Obama had to say in response.

Dear Kanye,

boarding_plane_636Hi, it’s Michelle. Michelle Obama, Barack’s wife. Barack Obama, the President of the United States of America.

That makes me the First Lady of the United States of America. Me = Michelle Obama.

I hope all is well.

You know, Kanye, I woke up this morning. In the White House. And one of my aides told me she had something to show me. Something that would make me laugh. A “cute” thing, if you will.

It was a series of quotes, Kanye. About my husband and me. About my Vogue magazine cover. And fashion. And classism.

They were your quotes. You were the cute thing, Kanye. And my aide was right. It did make me laugh. Oh, what a hearty White House laugh it was.

Keep my name out your mouth, ya heard.

Tell me, Kanye, what’s your goal with this? Why us?…

You can catch the rest of Rembert Brown’s letter here!
Peace, Love & Sunshine -Chelsea

THE MOMENTS THAT FREEZE YOU IN TIME

heavenAs I sit here typing, I think about how my throat was closed so tightly earlier I could barely speak. There’s this terribly familiar sensation that passes over me when I receive bad news. The response always seems to rollout in the same order: shock, a sudden urge to clean and get organized, followed by the blow of the reality of the situation, in which case, my head drops low and the tears begin to flow –so slowly that I can see and hear them falling one by one. Then, I write.

God blesses us with people who are simply in our lives to serve a purpose for a time or a season, and then there are people whom you nonchalantly assume will be around forever. They have become part of the family. You envision them at weddings, visits during the holidays, etc. The thought that they would ever be removed from this world prior to old age is simply dismissed in an effort to ward off any negative energy liable to attach itself to such a thought.

Our family has dealt with an unprecedented amount of loss in the last two and half years. Before that, there was a stretch of time that carried on so well, I remember thinking, be grateful for this time. Everyone has to deal with loss. As painful as it is to lose grandparents, there is something so heartbreaking about the loss of a loved one who is young and seemingly has their whole life ahead of them. What’s even more devastating is the reality that just hours ago I was having a casual conversation with that person, jokingly locking them into volunteering at an upcoming Mia’s Closet event. It never could have occurred to me that in less than 24 hours that person would be gone.

I say all this because there are so many people whom we engage with everyday: family members, Despairfriends, co-workers, the kid next door -all needing someone to confide in. They may even be carrying an unimaginable weight. Burdened by life’s circumstances, poor decisions or just and overall sense that they have reached a point where they feel unloved and unimportant.

My prayer this day is that God will reveal those suffering to me. That at whatever point when they are in most need of smile, a call, a visit, a hug; I will know to be there. I always use the term vibing. It’s that feeling of having an instinct to reach out to those close to you. To feel their energy, whether good or bad and sense that they are in need of a true friend in that moment.

Life is hectic. We are busy. People are wrapped up in their social lives, ambition, relationships –you name it. All I know is that there are situations I will never understand. Stories that will bear such gravity that for a split second I’ll hurt all over again. And then, I’ll remind myself of this: The past is the past and we are set forth to be a blessing to others. Use these moments as a subtle push to always progress forward and love those around around.

I don’t know what your circumstances may be, but if nothing else, my hope ist that I’ve reached your heart. Let this inspire you to call a loved one. Tell them them how much they mean to you. Finally set a date in stone to get together. Cherish life . Choose to be positive.

Tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone. Life is the sweetest gift the Lord could have ever given us. It requires a conscious decision to make it count for something.

For anyone who may be going through an unexpected loss of a loved one, visit here and here for words of encouragement.

Peace & Love -Chelsea

The Reality Check: Mainstream Black Music & American Youth

The Reality Check: Mainstream Black music and American Youth

by: Chelsea Coffey

–At the expense of sounding off like a momma, I’d like to tackle a topic that is burning through my mind. A friend of mine tweeted a Shai song the other day, and when I finally got around to looking at it, I found myself watching another one of their videos -Baby I’m Yours:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=3iOQ3RWngIM]
 
 The truth is, I kind of melted as I watched the video. The song’s a little corny, but the interaction between the singers and their leading ladies was actually something to be desired. The video is about 20 years old, and I couldn’t help but feel disheartened seeing it. For starters the guys look like regular people you see in real life, no glitz or glam, and the same can be said about the women. It was almost a novelty to see a video where the women were not there to simply serve as a side-chick dressed like a stripper.  To really put things in perspective, the four leading ladies weren’t wearing weaves –none of them. They actually had roles in the video, and most importantly the men showed them respect.
 Trust me, I get it. Each generation has a certain sense of nostalgia for the music they grew up liste ning to, but in the case of the transition we’ve seen over the last 20 years in R&B, we’ve witnessed more than a change in audio format and dress. The “Black Music” genre has seen a considerable shift in everything from the messages, to the videos, to the attitude towards women.
In an effort to evaluate my emotions against logic, I sincerely tried to think of one recent popular video or song from the R&B or Rap music genres that didn’t require some degree of filtering. The reality is that it seems that the majority of mainstream R&B singers and rappers lack the sense of accountability that was displayed by previous generations. Point blank.
Maybe it’s a moral issue on the part of artists, maybe it’s an ethical issue on the part of record labels, maybe it stems from the “disappearing Black family”…whatever the case may be, the impact hurts our future generation’s perception of “Black Music”, especially as it relates to women and how they should be treated. My sensitivity to this issue isn’t so much that women are spoken of in a derogatory way, because the truth is some women are bitches or sluts or whatever -sorry- shoulder shrug.
What bothers me is that it seems to penetrate all aspects of Black Music played by radio stations, at clubs, on commercials, etc. Whether it is a female rapper bashing other women and declaring her sexual prowess in a sleazy way, men talking about how many women he’s going to run through, drug use, alcohol abuse; the list goes on. We are dealing with a content issue -both audibly and visually. Proverbs 12:11 states: And he that followeth after vain pursuits is devoid of understanding. Black Americans have so many reasons to be proud of where we’ve come from as a people and where we are going. It is a shame that negative stereotypes seem to monopolize our reputation. Our popular music plays a strong role in why that is the case.
Exhibit A:  Got Money by Lil Wayne featuring T-Paine. *Disclaimer: I’m guilty of doing a shoulder bounce every time the beat drops…Catchy lil mother sucker.
Hook:
Got money (yeah)
And you know it
Take it out your pocket and show it (then)
Throw it 
This a way 
Thata way
This a way 
Thata way
 
Goes on:
 
 Bitch ain’t shit but a hoe and a trick
But you no one ain’t trickin? if you got it
You know we ain’t f**king if you not thick
And I cool your ass down if you think you’re hot shit
So Rolex watch this I do it 4 5 6 my click
Clack goes the black hoe pimp
And just like it I blow that shit
Cause bitch I’m the bomb like tick tick
 
Or a heavier throwback example from 1986: Boyz-n-the-Hood by Easy E

 

Bored as f*** and i wanna get ill
So I went to a place where my homeboyz chill
Niggaz out there makin’ that dolla’
I pulled up in my ’64 impala
They greet me wit a 40 and I start drinkin’
And from tha 8-ball my breath start stinkin’
Enough tah get my girl tah rock that body
Before I left i hit tha bacardi
I went to her house tah get her out of the pad
Dumb hoe said something that made me mad
She said something that I couldn’t believe
So I grabbed tha stupid bitch by her nappy-ass weave
She started talkin’ shit what did ya know
Reached back like a pimp slapped tha hoe
Her father jumped up and he started tah shout
So I bombed on pops knocked his old ass out
This song is over 30 years old, so it is not that we’re just now seeing these types of lyrics in music, it about the reach and frequency. The only positive thing I can find to say about the Eazy E song is that it’s beautiful the girl had a father in the home to try to defend her…
Look. It is proven that kids, regardless of race and socioeconomic status, imitate popular music –especially, when it comes to rap. All one has to do is look around and listen to the conversations of kids between the ages of eight and sixteen. Perhaps a possible argument would be, “Well, if it bothers you that much don’t listen to the radio,” and I don’t. The reason why all of this is relevant is because it affects our children who are internalizing these messages. More importantly, it foreshadows a significant degree of influence on the perception of how our kids will define relationships, male/female gender roles,  how girls and boys will view themselves, as well as, what they feel they should emulate as they grow up (Don’t even get me started on VH1’s reality shows…).
To be clear, this is a problem that extends beyond the Black community. It affects our future society as a whole. Some would argue that rap is the number one music genre for today’s youth, and anyone who would suggest that those messages aren’t reaching American youth is sorely mistaken.
According to the NY Times Blog, Well:

Teenagers listen to an average of nearly 2.5 hours of music per day. Guess what they’re hearing about?

One in three popular songs contains explicit references to drug or alcohol use, according to a new report in The Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine. That means kids are receiving about 35 references to substance abuse for every hour of music they listen to, the authors determined.

While songs about drugs and excess are nothing new, the issue is getting more attention because so many children now have regular access to music out of the earshot of parents. Nearly 9 out of 10 adolescents and teens have an MP3 player or a compact disc player in their bedrooms.

To present a concrete theory short of a complete overhaul in several areas to combat this issue escapes me. I have discussed this with family, friends, professors, community activists, and any solution seems to be hindered by two problems: parenting (or the lack thereof) and the high level of exposure to the lyrical content itself.
For the record, there are plenty of artists who convey real life issues in their music, and I applaud them. However more often than not, their tracks aren’t being played on the radio or at school dances. It is my hope that conscious artists like Lupe Fiasco and The Foreign Exchange will get more play time on the radio one day and more visibility in general…In the meantime, I’ll be praying for our kids, our society and the artists.

Standing and believing -Chelsea

 

Please see the following link to read the rest of the NY Times article at: Under the Influence of…Music? 

 

A Letter to My Younger Self: Dear Morgan

Good morning Coffey Break readers!

My friend Morgan Lynch was recently featured on youngblackandrestless.com, and I was really moved by her piece, A Letter to My Younger Self: Dear Morgan. Body issues come in all sorts of packages, and I really appreciate her approach towards highlighting something that is generally overlooked, especially in the Black community.  
In my experience, I’ve seen people tip toe around people who are overweight, but without hesitation: swing a skinny girl over their shoulder, compare wrist sizes, ask them what size they wear and/or chastise them about how they need to eat more!  For anyone who’s wondering, that gets a little old… I suppose the perfect body will be a mystery until the end of time because every woman I’ve ever talked to has their own version of this dilema!
Enjoy!
—

Dear Morgan,

Life is beautiful and you know it. You’re sweet sixteen! Your parents have put together a sleep over, spa day, luncheon, and shopping trip that you could only dream of. You’ve had such a happy life and growing up has shown you that not everyone has been given the same gift. What could possibly plague the girl with a wonderful family, great friends, her own lavender bedroom and a huge shelf of books?

You have managed to escape the awful teenage angst that has wrecked some others. But, there is one little hang up. Your weight. You are 95 pounds soaking wet and everyone from passerby on the street to your extended family members have something to say about it. You wear blue jeans not only because they’re comfortable, but because you can’t stand another comment on your skinny legs. People’s inconsiderate word vomits on your appearance are mind blowing and it has made you self-conscious.

In the white community, thin is in. And, you hear some of your white peers obsess over the scale and their weight gain. They think you don’t have a care in the world. But, little do they know in the black community it’s all about a good ol’ boomin’ body which you DO NOT have. Big butts, thick thighs, little waists. You are invisible to the guys who whistle at the girls with these lauded attributes. And, Beyonce who soon bursts on the scene does not help. You can’t escape it, it’s everywhere. While some may hesitate saying something to bigger women, no one pauses in dropping their two cents on your unbecoming appearance. “Girl, eat some cornbread! Where is your shadow? Do you have an eating disorder?” are spouted daily. “Skinny women are evil!” the comedian Monique screams. Skinny women have feelings too, Monique.

You have battled it all of your life, and your weight even gets you into your first fight with a girl who equates petite with pushover. You are peaceful like your father, but your mother has a tendency to come out in full effect when a quick jab to her eye ends the fight quickly. People also judge your character believing that because you’re thin you must be a vapid, shallow, control freak as one person admits at a teen volunteer group. “But, you’re really not like that!” she beams as if that at all helps. You are weary with sixteen years of defending yourself, and you are blessed to have parents who quickly check anyone they hear making unwarranted remarks. When will it end?

But look! Zoe Saldana emerges in Hollywood and says “Look at me. I’m skinny, I have a big nose, no tits and no ass. But, in a room full of beautiful women, I would still leave with the most gorgeous guy.” A magazine cover with Joy Bryant speaking on her struggles with weight help you to not feel alone. These women are black, beautiful and skinny!
In fact, a breakthrough occurs. You’re sixteen and staring the in the mirror of a dressing room, lamenting in the millionth pair of jeans that drown your small frame. When it dawns upon you. Skinny black women will never be put on the pedestal, but you realize that it should not change how you feel about yourself. This body is as good as gets because one day it’s all going downhill anyway so you might as well enjoy the lightning fast metabolism. Real women have curves and real women don’t have curves. We’re all unique. And, I promise the ride will get so, so much better. You’ll discover some guys dig your narrow behind. And, a stretch mark or two is around the corner. The comments will get better. “You’re skinny, but you look really good.” It’s like people can tell the insecurity is gone.
And, let’s just throw a few other reminders in there while I’m at it. Don’t squeeze or pop pimples.  You have pretty good instincts, go with your gut. Everyone is not “doing it.” Value your alone time, it’s indispensable. Dance and sing whenever you feel like it. And, continue to surround yourself with like minded people. Different sometimes is just that. Different. And, difference is not always good for you despite what some may say. Oh, and after that dressing room debacle, tell your best friend in the whole wide world. Your mom. Because she really is your best friend as she will prove time and time again. She will call you her “beautiful, brown girl.” It will make all the difference in the world.

Love,

Morgan
Morgan  is a grad student and freelance journalist living in Boston, MA. She is currently looking for a literary agent for the YA novel she recently completed. Her timeline is smart and funny so follow her on Twitter @morgan_a_lynch