Does God Promise You a Spouse?

Hey guys!

So I came across this article about a year ago and it really struck a chord with me. I realized that as I’ve grown up, I’ve created a set of norms that I assume will be automatically be reflected in my adult life. As opposed to the How to Recognize Your King piece, which leaves one ready to take on the world, Does God Promise You a Spouse, left me with a radically different sentiment. I had no choice but to evaluate things I had never considered, and this article has definitely broadened my horizon on how I perceive love and marriage. Let me know your thoughts!

Enjoy!

Does God Promise You a Spouse?

Written by Rob Eagar

Do wonder if God has heard your prayers? Learn what to do when God is silent with this interactive study.

Jennifer was a disgruntled, single woman at my church. She was thirty-six years old and complained that her life was slipping away. Six years had passed since her last boyfriend, and her dating life remained in limbo. Jennifer wondered whether her heart still had the capacity to love. Beneath her jaded disposition festered an undercurrent of resentment toward God.

After attending church regularly for over two years, she suddenly disappeared. Three months later, I bumped into her at a restaurant and asked her whether she had moved to another church. She replied, “No, I’ve quit church altogether. I just can’t bring myself to worship a God who would leave me in such loneliness.” Jennifer concluded that if she was ever going to let God back into her life, He’d better bring her a husband—and fast.

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Does God promise us a spouse? The Bible says “yes” by describing Christians as the spiritual bride of Christ. Our true spouse is Jesus. Yet, many of us say, “I’m glad to be spiritually married to Christ, but I can’t feel Him. Wouldn’t it be better if I could enjoy God’s love with someone else? I want Jesus with skin on.” So, we pray for God to bring us an earthly mate. 
The gripe for love

My search for a spouse turned into a cycle of frustration as I encountered numerous relational struggles and a wife who abandoned me six months into our marriage. I started to wonder if God actually cared about my romantic relationships. Whenever I felt particularly upset about being single, I would sit in my den recliner and gripe to God about the injustice of my social life. Knowing He possessed omnipotent power made it seem logical to expect a wife from Him.

Whenever I demanded that God rush me a spouse, however, He seemed to whisper this question in my heart, “Rob, is the love of Jesus Christ enough for you? Have you allowed My complete forgiveness and unconditional acceptance to satisfy your heart?”

In tears of resignation, I conceded, “I appreciate Your love, Lord, but all I really want is a wife.” I still believed that my heart needed the affection of a person in order to feel complete. In essence, I valued human love more than God’s love.

One day, I began to look back over my life and the numerous dead-end relationships from my past. In each situation, romance had started out with a bang but fizzled under the weight of performance-based love. No matter who I met, either I was too demanding or she couldn’t accept me for who I was.

Suddenly, something clicked within my mind. I thought, “Why am I chasing marriage when it cannot provide the unconditional love that my heart craves? Only Christ offers everything I need.” With this new perspective, I relinquished to God my demand to get married. I still wanted to find a spouse someday, but I no longer considered marriage necessary to complete my life. If I remained single for the rest of my life, that was okay—God promised to fulfill my heart.

When we demand that God bring us a mate, we block His love from enhancing our social life. The anger that we harbor builds a wall between us and Him. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that our demand for marriage is a refusal of God’s love because we want our selfish desires met. God will never stop loving us, but we ignore Him when we desperately seek a human being to make us happy. Furthermore, whatever we depend upon for our happiness will wind up controlling us. If we believe that we need a human spouse to be satisfied, then people, rather than God, will dictate our lives.

God is in control of everything, but He does not intervene just to make our lives easy. He had no intention of making a woman ma


The freedom to love
gically appear and fall in love with me. Instead, God wanted to use His power to mature me into someone who would initiate sacrificial love towards other people. I wanted to get love, while God was teaching me to give love.

Likewise, God is working in your life to help you meet and love other people. However, you make the final choice as to whom you accept and whom you reject. When you interact with another person, you have the freedom to decide which direction your relationship will take. You can choose to become romantic, just be friends, or end your time together and separate. In addition, the other person has a decision in the matter, which means he can influence the outcome. Consequently, a relationship will not develop unless both of you decide to love each other. On the other hand, if you or the other person make selfish decisions, your relationship may crumble.

The desire for marriage is a fair request, but the consequences of living in a fallen world can prevent people from reaching that goal. For instance, you can pursue someone romantically, but that individual may choose to ignore you, a crisis or illness could hinder you, or that person may decide to leave you. The sins

of humanity create numerous barriers to good relationships.

Yet, why is life so hard sometimes? Why doesn’t God use His power to protect us from pain? Actually, God is at work, but in a different way than some of us realize.

God uses His sovereign power to encourage people to love each other, but He also allows us to make selfish choices that can tear us apart. God permits calamity so that we can experience His greatest gift – a free will. Without free will, you and I would be robots or lifeless, stuffed animals. Fortunately, God limits His power to let us make our own choices in life. Does your free will nullify God’s omnipotence? No, as Psalm 37:23 says, “The steps of a man are established by the Lord.” God is so powerful that He can allow you to choose and still work the outcome for His glory.

Why is free will so important? God wants you to enjoy true love, and true love cannot exist without a choice. If you were forced to love God or another person, then love would disappear, and you would be under manipulation. Free will is the key ingredient to true love.

I recognized the importance of this truth when I couldn’t get a date for my junior high school prom. I had asked several girls, but they all turned me down. Four days before the big dance, however, a friend told me about a girl, named Tiffany, who needed a date. Frankly, I wasn’t attracted to her, but I asked her anyway, because she was my only option.
Therefore, finding an earthly spouse will not occur through demanding God to miraculously bring someone to your doorstep. Marriage is not a predetermined process that happens mysteriously. You will get frustrated if you believe that God During the prom, Tiffany and I attempted to be cordial, but it became obvious that neither of us had an interest in each other. We didn’t talk during dinner, we didn’t want to dance as the band played, and we didn’t smile as our pictures were taken. Most of the evening, we sat in silence and stared dreamily at the students whom we really liked. Through that ordeal, I learned that love cannot exist unless both parties freely choose to be together. You will get frustrated if you believe that God mystically pairs people together. If God predetermines marriage, then why doesn’t He stop divorce? Instead, God lets us make the decision to love or the decision to leave.

The choice to love

God brings people across your path and encourages you to love them, but He lets you manage your relational responses. Thus, marriage revolves around deliberately making choices to love another person. You can improve your opportunities for romance by getting out and choosing to sacrificially love people. Or, you can opt for selfish or reclusive behavior and diminish your relational prospects. The quality of your social

Does God promise you a spouse? Yes, as the bride of Jesus Christ. Does God promise you an earthly spouse? No, because finding a husband is a process, in which two people decide to sacrifice themselves for each other’s benefit. So, don’t let the goal of earthly marriage control your life. Otherwise, you will become miserable, because you cannot control the future or free will of other people.life hinges on the choices you make.

God wants your spiritual marriage to be your heart’s primary source of love and acceptance. Earthly relationships are the avenues to express His love to others. The more you love other people, the more you increase opportunities for an intimate relationship to develop. God may not orchestrate a passionate romance on earth, but He promises a life of passion to enjoy with Him.

Questions:

Use the following questions to consider if your desire for marriage has become a demand:

  • Am I dating to find someone who can make me feel better about myself?
  • Can I feel content and thankful to God in my singleness?
  • Am I cynical about relationships with the opposite sex?
  • Am I afraid of the possibility of never getting married?
  • Is the love of Jesus Christ enough for me?

If your desire for marriage has turned into a demand, find encouragement by meditating on these verses: Philippians 4:6-13; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

Today, we lost our grandmother Coffey.

Roller and coaster are the only two words I have to try to describe the last year. God has blessed us over and abundantly, and yet we have taken a few substantial blows this year… I understand that life doesn’t always make sense and some days are going to be bad days and others good, but at this point it is simply time for a new season. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says that “To everything there is a season, a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born,  a time to die, a time  to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal, a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance”

As a family, we have no choice but to stand and believe that this time will prove to be a testament of our faith. Yes, I can hope that all of this is leading to a really big blessing somewhere along the way; however, the reality for us is that we now have a mother who lost her mother less than a year ago and a father who just lost the mother he adored.

For anyone sorting through the emotions of losing a loved one, cling to God and your faith and allow Him be your support system. He is bigger than even the greatest pain, and His love is more than we could ever imagine.

Verses to carry you through:

Psalms 31:9 Oh Lord have mercy on me in my anguish. My eyes are red from weeping; my health is broken from sorrow.

Proverbs 3:6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble.

Psalms 147:3 He heals the broken heartened, binding up their wounds.

Jeremiah 31:13 I will turn their mourning into gladness. I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.

John 14:27 I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give is not fragile like the peace the world gives. So don’t be troubled or afraid.

My humble advice is to take the time you need to mourn and then channel that energy into something positive. Claim control over your emotions and your circumstances and do something incredible! Volunteer in your community, create a charity, open the bakery you always wanted, start saving, set goals and take that trip to Greece. Life is precious and God is good, so go! You can do it.

Standing and believing,

Chelsea

In loving memory of Emma Jean Coffey: July 20, 1933 – April 12, 2012

The Bonus Read

So a friend of mine posted an article called The subjectivity of slacktivism. I saw a photo of Trayvon Martin’s parents and clicked on it out of curiosity. The article itself didn’t do much for me, but a debate I came across in the comments section was actually a pleasant surprise and a pretty good read. I have pasted the discussion below. Who do you think presented the better argument?

You can find the link for the article below:  http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/opinion/2012/04/201244114223946160.html

David Berg 3 days ago

The so called major media coverage of this tragic situation changes daily.  First NBC admits to doctoring the “original 911 transcript” and now CNN also acknowledges that “perhaps” their audio w similarly “dited inadvertently”.  The race industry uses the deaths of young African  Americans like stobe lights to advertise itself in a disgusting and repugnant manner.  The media accounts and the hysterical race baiters portray the shooter, the son of a Peruvian immigrant as a “white Hispanic”.  This then qualifies president Obama as a white African American.

The most disgusting and contemptible  thing happening here is the absolute hypocricyand  the phony and selective moral outrage over the young mans death, the real circumstances of which have not yet been determined.  I and a lot of my African American friends will be waiting breathlessly when another of the literally thousands of young black men to die violently is murdered, to see the arrival of the point men of the race industry in America.  Jackson, Sharpton and the always objective Farrankan will no doubt be there to “investigate” the next murder, even if its likely to be committed by another young black man.

After all, they’re only interested in “justice, right?  Of course they are and I have a very nice beach in the Mohave to sell anyone who believes that!

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TheoryPractice 3 days ago in reply to David Berg

Why are you so afraid to talk about race? Do you deny that there is a race problem in the US?

The issue isn’t that Zimmerman is white, or that too many whites are killing blacks. Not at all. Zimmerman could just as well have been a black Uncle Tom, and Arab, an African from the continent, and Indian, a Chinese, or, as you keep saying, someone from the same demographics as Trayvon.

The issue is that too many blacks are being killed for reasons very much related to the color of their skin. It is because the Trayvons are black that they are seen as “troublemakers” by the Zimmermans, whatever color their skin may be.

Now if we dig deeper, we realize that the reason why so many blacks are being murdered (including by other blacks) is that blacks are disproportionately represented in the lower class in the US. It is a common trend that people who suffer from poverty are exposed to violence, justified or not, both from their fellows and others.

Why are blacks disproportionately represented in the lower class? It is because of economic injustice. This is undeniable. The socio-economic system of the US makes it almost impossible for the MASSES of the poor, a big proportion of whom are black, to move up. It’s hard for anyone to move up the ladder in the US, but it is exponentially harder the poorer you are. Then, there is a broken education system which fails most students and trains others to maintain the unjust system.

If you’re still reading, hopefully you realize by now that the issue here is economic injustice and it is inseparable from racial injustice. The solution is to fix the economic system or supplant it with a more just one. But, of course, many people think the system is the best in the world, so we’ll have to wait for it to collapse instead.

Good day.

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Micheel 3 days ago in reply to TheoryPractice

If you want to explore racism and cause and effect-go into the local school in any poor area and look at the number of kids by color/demographic who are taking AP classes.

Then go look at the case of the teenager who robbed, sodomized and killed (maybe not in that order) two British  tourists who had the misfortune to be white as they wandered into a “black area” in Orlando–of course this case does not merit Al Sharpton or Obama’s comment is it is not “on message” with their racism agenda.

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TheoryPractice 2 days ago in reply to Micheel

Micheel, I’m sorry, but please try to think, discard your white guilt, and re-read what I said.
1. You are implying that blacks are not taking AP classes. The fact is that poor kids are not taking AP classes. And blacks are disproportionately represented in that group. Why? Study some history…after you have discarded your white guilt. No one is blaming you. I promise.

2. How do you know, from behind your keyboard, whether or not Obama or Sharpton has made a comment regarding the incident in Orlando? You suffer from white guilt.

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Micheel 2 days ago in reply to TheoryPractice

As an immigrant-citizen, I have no idea what white guilt is…..your point 1 is ‘cultural’–poor people behave poor and then blame others for being poor; the difference is those that take advantage of opportunities, value education and become Supreme Court justices. Point 2–Google.

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TheoryPractice 1 day ago in reply to Micheel

White guilt is where people like you feel threatened whenever the issue of race is brought up. To dismiss this feeling, you accuse others of playing the race card.

I’m sure Google knows everything that Obama and Sharpton have said. The truth is that you have ABSOLUTELY NOT IDEA whether or not either of them has made a comment, publicly or privately, about the British victims.

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Dan Bernard 2 days ago in reply to TheoryPractice

Micheel is not suffering from white guilt.  Tag you´re it.

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TheoryPractice 1 day ago in reply to Dan Bernard

Ha. You’re almost funny. Almost.

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David Berg 2 days ago in reply to TheoryPractice

There is no nation of place on the planet without racism.  The issue is and always has been is it accepted or viewed as a problem to be solved.  The US has its eacism, as do all nations.  Most Americans deplore racism iin any form, by any ethnic group.

Your comments are odd indeed. Because there are more African American males in the lower quintile of income earners, they are consequently driven to murdering others, regardless of race?  B.S. That, quite truthfully may rank as one of the most racist statements I’ve ever read.  That means, by your twisted logic that the millions of black, brown and yellow immigrants who now call America home are committing a grossly disproportionate number of murders against themselves.  Sorry pal, its NOT HAPPENING!  Race isn’t the issue, choices are the issue.  And despite the race-baiting industry, every American has choices, but acknowledging that fact would require recognition that each individual has at some level of responsibility for their situation.  And these sick oppotunists can’t let that happen.

Every major peer reviewed analysis of  US income/wealth disparity concludes the same thing and it applies to all racial groups, white black or brown.  If you choose to drop out of school; If you have children out of wedlock, you are 6 to 7 times more likely to wind up in poverty.

These are not societys fault.  Black teen unemployment is a definite problem, everyone recognizes that as fact.  I’ve had black young men (never a yoiung woman by the way) show up for a job interview looking like a bad stereotype from the black comedy channel.  Is that young person going to be hired by any employer of any race.  Not likely!  Right or wrong, most things in life are based on perception.  What you represent yourself as, regardless of race, is what all people see.

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TheoryPractice 1 day ago in reply to David Berg

Like I said, there is no hope but to wait for the system to collapse, given the total lack of empathy (as displayed in your comments).

Where have I excused or justified crimes or bad decisions? Listen carefully.

Let’s talk about the US for the sake of focus. The poor in this country do not have many choices, especially given the conditions that they grow up in. By the time they are old enough to make responsible decisions, they continue to be unprepared because very few people who grow up in certain conditions will have come across the information you may have come across to make you the responsible adult that you claim to be. I’m talking about the child born five minutes ago to a drug-addict mother in a neighborhood in one of the Midwest states, with no father to serve as a role model. The odds are stacked up against this kid. He will be seen as a threat wherever he walks, especially if he has a hooded sweatshirt on. This kid can be black, white, or any other color. But if he is black, it’s even worse for him. This is fact.

Now, I can understand your lack of empathy for the kid’s mother and father for making the wrong choices in life, but what has the kid done wrong? It’s easy and self-righteous to blame the kid for his predicament, but there’s not an ounce of empathy in that.

The solution, as I said, and if you’re still reading, is the fix the economic system of the country, which disproportionately favors the rich and terribly harms the poor. Until it is fixed, violence will continue to haunt all the citizens, rich or poor, black or white.

It’s called EMPATHY, people. Try it sometime.

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mudplanet 2 days ago in reply to David Berg

“There is no nation of place on the planet without racism” But there ARE nations that don’t codify racism in their charter or constitution (a Jewish homeland) and formalize it in their laws and government policies.

“Race isn’t the issue, choices are the issue.” In Bergland, children and young adults who are subjected daily to messages of inferiority, who are sent to substandard schools, who don’t have the option of high education because their parents are stuck in minimum wage employment, they have the same choices as the children of attorneys, trust fund babies and the children of Yale graduates. It just makes sense in Bergland.