Author: Chelsea Coffey

Today, we lost our grandmother Coffey.

Roller and coaster are the only two words I have to try to describe the last year. God has blessed us over and abundantly, and yet we have taken a few substantial blows this year… I understand that life doesn’t always make sense and some days are going to be bad days and others good, but at this point it is simply time for a new season. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says that “To everything there is a season, a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born,  a time to die, a time  to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal, a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance”

As a family, we have no choice but to stand and believe that this time will prove to be a testament of our faith. Yes, I can hope that all of this is leading to a really big blessing somewhere along the way; however, the reality for us is that we now have a mother who lost her mother less than a year ago and a father who just lost the mother he adored.

For anyone sorting through the emotions of losing a loved one, cling to God and your faith and allow Him be your support system. He is bigger than even the greatest pain, and His love is more than we could ever imagine.

Verses to carry you through:

Psalms 31:9 Oh Lord have mercy on me in my anguish. My eyes are red from weeping; my health is broken from sorrow.

Proverbs 3:6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble.

Psalms 147:3 He heals the broken heartened, binding up their wounds.

Jeremiah 31:13 I will turn their mourning into gladness. I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.

John 14:27 I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give is not fragile like the peace the world gives. So don’t be troubled or afraid.

My humble advice is to take the time you need to mourn and then channel that energy into something positive. Claim control over your emotions and your circumstances and do something incredible! Volunteer in your community, create a charity, open the bakery you always wanted, start saving, set goals and take that trip to Greece. Life is precious and God is good, so go! You can do it.

Standing and believing,

Chelsea

In loving memory of Emma Jean Coffey: July 20, 1933 – April 12, 2012

Fashion Find of the Week

Check out this one of a kind clutch that I came across at Fashion Plate Boutique. I melt every time I see it…I just need a 5th side hustle haha

And these bad boys! I was soo pumped when I came across them. Warm weather is tricky. For starters, I really don’t like feet -you have no idea. Warm weather is a hall pass for everyone–guys and girls– to BUST THOSE JOKERS OUT. Hm. Anyway, this shoe is great for three reasons: it’s a fantastic alternative to sandals, it gives me a break when I don’t want to wear heels, and it is the closest I’ll ever come to wearing a ballet flat. They’re like magic.

Chan’s Hot List 4/8/2012

Dance: Feel So Close –Calvin Harris http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGghkjpNCQ8

R&B: Climax –Usher http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJBeZ2cDGQQ

Indie: Idioteque –Radiohead http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNqv3nHyteM

Hip-Hop: It’s Bigger than Hip-Hop –Dead Prez http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CA25E0DNd3Y

Hip-Hop: Aviator –K-OS http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXWu8j-SOdY

The Bonus Read

So a friend of mine posted an article called The subjectivity of slacktivism. I saw a photo of Trayvon Martin’s parents and clicked on it out of curiosity. The article itself didn’t do much for me, but a debate I came across in the comments section was actually a pleasant surprise and a pretty good read. I have pasted the discussion below. Who do you think presented the better argument?

You can find the link for the article below:  http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/opinion/2012/04/201244114223946160.html

David Berg 3 days ago

The so called major media coverage of this tragic situation changes daily.  First NBC admits to doctoring the “original 911 transcript” and now CNN also acknowledges that “perhaps” their audio w similarly “dited inadvertently”.  The race industry uses the deaths of young African  Americans like stobe lights to advertise itself in a disgusting and repugnant manner.  The media accounts and the hysterical race baiters portray the shooter, the son of a Peruvian immigrant as a “white Hispanic”.  This then qualifies president Obama as a white African American.

The most disgusting and contemptible  thing happening here is the absolute hypocricyand  the phony and selective moral outrage over the young mans death, the real circumstances of which have not yet been determined.  I and a lot of my African American friends will be waiting breathlessly when another of the literally thousands of young black men to die violently is murdered, to see the arrival of the point men of the race industry in America.  Jackson, Sharpton and the always objective Farrankan will no doubt be there to “investigate” the next murder, even if its likely to be committed by another young black man.

After all, they’re only interested in “justice, right?  Of course they are and I have a very nice beach in the Mohave to sell anyone who believes that!

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TheoryPractice 3 days ago in reply to David Berg

Why are you so afraid to talk about race? Do you deny that there is a race problem in the US?

The issue isn’t that Zimmerman is white, or that too many whites are killing blacks. Not at all. Zimmerman could just as well have been a black Uncle Tom, and Arab, an African from the continent, and Indian, a Chinese, or, as you keep saying, someone from the same demographics as Trayvon.

The issue is that too many blacks are being killed for reasons very much related to the color of their skin. It is because the Trayvons are black that they are seen as “troublemakers” by the Zimmermans, whatever color their skin may be.

Now if we dig deeper, we realize that the reason why so many blacks are being murdered (including by other blacks) is that blacks are disproportionately represented in the lower class in the US. It is a common trend that people who suffer from poverty are exposed to violence, justified or not, both from their fellows and others.

Why are blacks disproportionately represented in the lower class? It is because of economic injustice. This is undeniable. The socio-economic system of the US makes it almost impossible for the MASSES of the poor, a big proportion of whom are black, to move up. It’s hard for anyone to move up the ladder in the US, but it is exponentially harder the poorer you are. Then, there is a broken education system which fails most students and trains others to maintain the unjust system.

If you’re still reading, hopefully you realize by now that the issue here is economic injustice and it is inseparable from racial injustice. The solution is to fix the economic system or supplant it with a more just one. But, of course, many people think the system is the best in the world, so we’ll have to wait for it to collapse instead.

Good day.

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Micheel 3 days ago in reply to TheoryPractice

If you want to explore racism and cause and effect-go into the local school in any poor area and look at the number of kids by color/demographic who are taking AP classes.

Then go look at the case of the teenager who robbed, sodomized and killed (maybe not in that order) two British  tourists who had the misfortune to be white as they wandered into a “black area” in Orlando–of course this case does not merit Al Sharpton or Obama’s comment is it is not “on message” with their racism agenda.

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TheoryPractice 2 days ago in reply to Micheel

Micheel, I’m sorry, but please try to think, discard your white guilt, and re-read what I said.
1. You are implying that blacks are not taking AP classes. The fact is that poor kids are not taking AP classes. And blacks are disproportionately represented in that group. Why? Study some history…after you have discarded your white guilt. No one is blaming you. I promise.

2. How do you know, from behind your keyboard, whether or not Obama or Sharpton has made a comment regarding the incident in Orlando? You suffer from white guilt.

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Micheel 2 days ago in reply to TheoryPractice

As an immigrant-citizen, I have no idea what white guilt is…..your point 1 is ‘cultural’–poor people behave poor and then blame others for being poor; the difference is those that take advantage of opportunities, value education and become Supreme Court justices. Point 2–Google.

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TheoryPractice 1 day ago in reply to Micheel

White guilt is where people like you feel threatened whenever the issue of race is brought up. To dismiss this feeling, you accuse others of playing the race card.

I’m sure Google knows everything that Obama and Sharpton have said. The truth is that you have ABSOLUTELY NOT IDEA whether or not either of them has made a comment, publicly or privately, about the British victims.

Like

Dan Bernard 2 days ago in reply to TheoryPractice

Micheel is not suffering from white guilt.  Tag you´re it.

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TheoryPractice 1 day ago in reply to Dan Bernard

Ha. You’re almost funny. Almost.

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David Berg 2 days ago in reply to TheoryPractice

There is no nation of place on the planet without racism.  The issue is and always has been is it accepted or viewed as a problem to be solved.  The US has its eacism, as do all nations.  Most Americans deplore racism iin any form, by any ethnic group.

Your comments are odd indeed. Because there are more African American males in the lower quintile of income earners, they are consequently driven to murdering others, regardless of race?  B.S. That, quite truthfully may rank as one of the most racist statements I’ve ever read.  That means, by your twisted logic that the millions of black, brown and yellow immigrants who now call America home are committing a grossly disproportionate number of murders against themselves.  Sorry pal, its NOT HAPPENING!  Race isn’t the issue, choices are the issue.  And despite the race-baiting industry, every American has choices, but acknowledging that fact would require recognition that each individual has at some level of responsibility for their situation.  And these sick oppotunists can’t let that happen.

Every major peer reviewed analysis of  US income/wealth disparity concludes the same thing and it applies to all racial groups, white black or brown.  If you choose to drop out of school; If you have children out of wedlock, you are 6 to 7 times more likely to wind up in poverty.

These are not societys fault.  Black teen unemployment is a definite problem, everyone recognizes that as fact.  I’ve had black young men (never a yoiung woman by the way) show up for a job interview looking like a bad stereotype from the black comedy channel.  Is that young person going to be hired by any employer of any race.  Not likely!  Right or wrong, most things in life are based on perception.  What you represent yourself as, regardless of race, is what all people see.

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TheoryPractice 1 day ago in reply to David Berg

Like I said, there is no hope but to wait for the system to collapse, given the total lack of empathy (as displayed in your comments).

Where have I excused or justified crimes or bad decisions? Listen carefully.

Let’s talk about the US for the sake of focus. The poor in this country do not have many choices, especially given the conditions that they grow up in. By the time they are old enough to make responsible decisions, they continue to be unprepared because very few people who grow up in certain conditions will have come across the information you may have come across to make you the responsible adult that you claim to be. I’m talking about the child born five minutes ago to a drug-addict mother in a neighborhood in one of the Midwest states, with no father to serve as a role model. The odds are stacked up against this kid. He will be seen as a threat wherever he walks, especially if he has a hooded sweatshirt on. This kid can be black, white, or any other color. But if he is black, it’s even worse for him. This is fact.

Now, I can understand your lack of empathy for the kid’s mother and father for making the wrong choices in life, but what has the kid done wrong? It’s easy and self-righteous to blame the kid for his predicament, but there’s not an ounce of empathy in that.

The solution, as I said, and if you’re still reading, is the fix the economic system of the country, which disproportionately favors the rich and terribly harms the poor. Until it is fixed, violence will continue to haunt all the citizens, rich or poor, black or white.

It’s called EMPATHY, people. Try it sometime.

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mudplanet 2 days ago in reply to David Berg

“There is no nation of place on the planet without racism” But there ARE nations that don’t codify racism in their charter or constitution (a Jewish homeland) and formalize it in their laws and government policies.

“Race isn’t the issue, choices are the issue.” In Bergland, children and young adults who are subjected daily to messages of inferiority, who are sent to substandard schools, who don’t have the option of high education because their parents are stuck in minimum wage employment, they have the same choices as the children of attorneys, trust fund babies and the children of Yale graduates. It just makes sense in Bergland.

How to Recognize your King: Is HE the ONE; THE RIGHT ONE?

Be prepared. It’s long, but it’s totally worth the read. I haven’t been the same since I first read this. Thank you to whoever took the time to write this. I always find myself saying, “He is not the ONE.” –side-eye– to a friend in a messed up relationship. It’s not too late to get it right, and I am totally committed to waiting for the ONE God has for me. Are you?

 First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it’s made on an emotional one.

“What about love? Shouldn’t that be the third? You ask. No, and I’ll tell you why. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9).

The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right direction: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.

Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage.

Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together.

Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively – it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage.

But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather these facts:

1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family – the family of God?

You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues.

You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together.

Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn’t interested, don’t waste your time.

Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he’s not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he’s not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.

2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God’s hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends.

Scripture says: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).

Note – who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together.

At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God’s perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don’t have to help a guy out because he’s shy!

Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested.

Many a woman’s mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: “We love him because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don’t need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself.

You need only one man – your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me; the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God’s timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again – WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you – this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.

4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man’s pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven’t seen yet. They reveal things about the guy’s character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don’t stay focused on the foot; check out the rest of the body!

5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don’t like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.

6. Remember that a man’s family reveals the cloth from which he’s cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.

7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? Are there broken relationships? Does he have problems in making commitments – including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem always someone else’s fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.

8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn’t need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person – and you’ll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life.

A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever.

Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.

9. Complimentary. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts, compliment yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you co-ordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way?

This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complimentary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong.

This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotional or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel – because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive!

God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.

10. Does he have a healthy love and acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man’s relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ.

If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to God, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can’t soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for one another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive.

So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for what they truly desired. The truth of the matter is everyone knows that anything worth having, costs and no one gets a ride in this life for free.

Our prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father, God:

I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should’ve been with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your hands for safekeeping. Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me, let me learn from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me. As I embrace You as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the haven of Your own heart. As I rest in Your love, make me more discriminating of those who approach me.

I ask that You take over this area of my life. Keep me from those You know would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day you present me to the mate that You have selected for me.Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse me from the temptation to typecast the men I meet according to what I see. Help me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own understanding. I know that You know what is best for me; therefore I yield to Your choice. In Jesus Name I pray, Amen.

Ladies this is something you should definitely share with a friend, whether you are single or married… It is something to think about, when you ask, is “He” the one?